Navigating my twenties

      Since I clocked 20, I have lived through the years panicking, and it seems like that’s what I will do till I’m 30.

      Trying to figure everything out before 30, seems like an act of clownery. Trying to do everything I can to be a better person and having fun while at it because I’m only a youth once.

       Unfortunately, I find myself panicking almost everyday

*Adding this photo because I know there’s something wrong with it but I can’t figure out what.*

         When I realize that reading a novel is no longer a hobby like it used to be, but feels like something I need to tick off my to-do list.

         When I pass by a store and I see something I really need but cannot get it because I don’t have a job and my primary need should be feeding, I panic because it is a reminder that I should work towards being financially secure.

         When I scroll on Instagram and see clips from weddings, I panic because I do not think I will ever ready for marriage and time might seem as though it is on my side but it really isn’t.

         When I casually talk to some friends about life after school and they discuss their plans, I learn that they have Plan A and several Plan Bs, and there’s me without a plan. I feel so overwhelmed with the thought that I will let myself down and so I panic.

          When I see people celebrating their graduation from the university, I panic because in a matter of time, I will be a graduate of law in a country full of uncertainties.

When I have to go out and I don’t know what to wear, I panic because I don’t want to look like I don’t have my shit together.

         When I see how well my mates are doing in various areas of their life, I panic. I panic because I know I need to do better, I need to self- improve.

When I have a love interest, I panic because I know I will eventually have to friendzone him as I don’t think I have anything to “bring to the table”.

          When I learn or discover new things, I panic because it seems like there is so much I do not know and how then do I grow if I do not know these things.

          When I think of my potentials, I panic because I don’t want to live without harnessing them.

         When I want to make friends, I panic because I don’t want people to see me as someone who just takes and does not have any sort of value to give.

         I failed at quite a number of things this year, I panicked. I cried. I panicked about failing again. I have people that want to be proud of me. I have people I don’t want to let down. I am one of such people.

Nevertheless, I do not want to wing it through, that is such a scary thing to do.

           There is no point to this month’s newsletter. I just know that there are so many of us in our 20s who may or may not come across this letter that panic as much as I do and might feel better realizing that they are not alone.